A longitudinal study started somewhere in 1938 that says that “the best results are obtained by people who are dedicated to relationships with family members, friends and members of the community they belong to.”
Healthy relationships are the effect of perpetual work, discipline, motivation, the constant intention to be present and create an emotional connection, and keep the desire alive. These relationships will help us see life as a gift as a journey that is sometimes quite difficult and full of beauty and accomplishments. They will help us develop compassion, empathy, and constantly develop by providing a favorable climate for each of our lives’ stages. It is the relationships through which we heal from negative and unrealistic thoughts that have built us false perceptions of ourselves. These are the relationships through which life acquires emotional colors, and our emotions and needs are “appropriate” and important.
Although we are created to be and stay in relationships, there are times when they can be unfavorable to us. We remain hungry, looking for the feeling of belonging and emotional connection. We continue out of inertia, forgetting that it is important how we feel in the relationship. Do we know how to identify relationships that are abusive or toxic? We would be so prepared to beg for the affiliation and connection of a partner, friend, or family member who violates every carefully constructed moral and emotional value of us because maybe in the meantime, we have reached maturity to have already questioned them, and we are sure about what’s left as values?
Would you struggle in a relationship where life leaks between your fingers every day, little by destroying your self-confidence? Or one in which your dreams are only realized and destroyed?
1. Toxic relationships are the ones that “remind” you that – you can’t, that it’s unrealistic what you’re proposing, that nothing you’re proposing is going to work, that you’re not ready to do that (whatever that means thing), that “It’s just in your head!”. Obviously, all this subtly. Please do not imagine that they are sewn with white thread. They are the kind of wounds that cannot be seen, like an aggressor who knows where to hit without leaving visible marks.
2. There are those in which you go to ask for help and return home more disappointed than when you went out the door. Full of criticism in mind and guilt, the sweet guilt becomes a burden like a piece of luggage that you can’t get rid of.
3. Those relationships in which your needs are no longer important and, although you intended to express them, the discussions led to highlighting the needs of the other, and you remained silent trying to respond to the needs of the other. Constantly looking to fulfill them, forgetting about you and your needs.
4. Relationships in which you felt “insufficient ..” without knowing what is not enough, in which you received comments or criticisms addressed to your character. criticism has become the most “successful” way to address you and become a constant familiar way of interacting. If a relationship leaves you with this constant feeling, if you constantly try to please the person next to you, whether it is a life partner or a friend, then you have an unhealthy relationship that leads nowhere.
5. Self-image is shaped by the social relationships we have. If those close to us erode our self-esteem, slowly, like a Chinese drop and minimize our social efforts, and this becomes a norm and a way of being, we continue to unconsciously seek such interactions perpetuating negativity and toxicity in relationships.
6. Defective relationships increase stress levels and, as a result, affect physical health. The Gottmans have identified in their research that when our life partner supports us, we are much less affected by colds or flu.
In the same longitudinal study mentioned earlier, psychiatrist Robert Waldinger says: “ In addition to having a positive impact on physical and emotional health, constructive relationships have the power to enhance memory. People in relationships where they feel they can count on their partner in times of need have greater attention and memory capacity. On the other hand, partners who feel they can’t find support in the one they have with them experience a decrease in memory capacity. “
Given the importance of relationships and our physical and mental health, it might help to raise some questions when choosing to invest in relationships:
- How does the person next to me feel?
- Do I feel safe next to her or them?
- Did I feel stressed or agitated next to this person?
- Do I feel the need to build walls to protect myself or these people?
- Do I ever feel compelled to violate my own moral, ethical, or personal boundaries?
- Do I feel obliged to constantly explain myself and exaggerate every thought or need expressed?
- Do I feel guilty constantly around them?
- Do I live permanently with the thought that everything depends on me for the relationship to work?
It’s a wonderful addiction when things go well and a horrible addiction when things go wrong.
Contact Kentucky mental health care for medication assisted treatment.
The Global Digitize 